After almost three years, I’m finally allowing myself to settle in. We’ve stopped looking at homes. We found one I loved, but without feeling the Lord sending us there, we can’t move. That’s not the way we live. We can’t bring ourselves just to find a home we like and live in it. We need to go on purpose, and our purposes aren’t enough to live for. So, we stay where we’ve been put. We never would have chosen to be here. I have to admit that whenever something is brought up about living/teaching/serving in another country, my heart leaps a little with hope that maybe the Lord will send us here. For us, staying is harder than going. Although, maybe deep down I actually have a fear that if I allow myself to get comfortable here, I’ll just get uprooted again. I have said many times that the Lord doesn’t let me stay comfortable. It’s His grace and not something I need to fear, and maybe that season is over. I certainly don’t know the Lord’s plans. So here are two evidences of my settling in. This past month we bought a few things from what I refer to as the “magical middle aisles of Aldi.” If you have an Aldi, you’ll know what I mean. About $250 later, I have a gazebo tent, a picnic table, a glider chair for two, and a greenhouse. But more than that, I have a symbol of my acceptance of where the Lord has placed me.
I’ve been scolding myself for waiting for life to begin. We’ve been in transition, but it’s been two and a half years now. The years are falling away, while I wait instead of act. I’ve avoided getting involved too much, developing relationships too deep, taking on responsibility too important, because we might be leaving.
And I’ve lost opportunities to bless others, to be blessed by them. I’ve waited on doing projects with the kids, starting traditions, learning new things, because I keep saying we’ll do them once we have a house.
There were times I jumped at opportunities, the feeling that I should do something. There was the time we skipped Christmas and instead invited a homeless woman to dinner. She ended up staying three weeks. There was the time I felt we should go share the gospel with prostitutes. There waiting was a widow I had just recently met and delivered clothes to where she lived in the trash dump. We ended up helping her get work and a real home and stayed in contact with her when we left the country. What experiences from moments of acting on the feeling that I should do something instead of letting the moments pass!
Read the sister post on – Life in Christ – Christ in Me